Monday, September 12, 2011

It runs in the family

I know I have talked about my anxiety/panic disorder before but I just realized tonight that my oldest son Speck has the same thing. He had what I can only describe as a full-blown panic attack tonight and it was so sad. Luckily I knew what it was so I could talk to him and calm him down but I just hurt so much for him. Speck is extremely sensitive and holds things in/beats himself up when he feels like he didn't do things the right way the first time. Also, thanks to his Sensory Processing Disorder he sometimes sees the negative or a threat when there isn't one and that can cause a lot of anxiety. I always thought we were an open communication family but there were so many things he was holding inside and tonight it just exploded. I told him that what he was feeling wasn't weird, it had a name and several people, including his Mom had it. I gave him a few ideas of things that sometimes help when I feel nervous- leg jiggling, listening to music or watching tv, and walking around and that seemed to help him. Having a name for his feelings really helped him, he went from a nauseated, sobbing, panicky mess to laughing and talking. I swear, once I told him that it helps to talk he was just talking non-stop and all this stuff started pouring out of him- problems at school, worries that everyone hates him, worries about the world. His poor little body was holding onto stuff that would kill an adult, so it is no wonder that he was so upset. On one hand I am happy that I can help him- my parents weren't understanding at all and it led to some really bad things in my life- but on the other hand I just worry so much for his future. I told Speck that he could talk to Hubby and me, his teachers and the school counselor and if that didn't help, we would take him to a psychologist. I am going to see if he gets better with home remedies before I up the ante with outside therapy. For so long I prayed that he wouldn't get this- I knew it ran in families and I have it on both sides but I hoped we would be spared. Still, it is here and we have to deal with it and hopefully since we caught it early he won't have the teen years I had. That doesn't mean I am not going to cry for him after he goes to bed.

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